i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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