when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
