Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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