Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
