apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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