the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
