I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
