Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
