Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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