I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
