I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
