I puked a lego.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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