Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
