can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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