I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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