Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
