apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
