NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
