we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
