girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
