Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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