so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
