i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
