Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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