Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
