if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
