awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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