i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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