On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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