i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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