Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We left the knife in your bed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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