Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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