need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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