No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize