All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
