I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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