oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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