broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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