I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
