I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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