hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
