i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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