covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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