So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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