lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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