i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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