The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
