can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
