just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
