Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dick very happy bro
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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