I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
