he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
