he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Damn victory sex feels great
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
