i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
