I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
