Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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