So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
