an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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