From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
