Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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