so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Randomize
