As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
