make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I could fuck to npr.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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