it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize