Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
