Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
