So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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