I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
